Perhaps what I said last time sounded like I was gloating. If I could have seen two weeks ahead would I have said anything? I got slammed. Hard. And not a bunch of little things like I wrote about last time. This one tipped off all rejection residue left in me--thank God that isn't much. But it was enough for the dark side to manipulate any unconscious moment. Their use of surprise, made it doubly effective.
I had been asked to speak at a Recovery Retreat, and had been given an hour and forty-five minutes in the schedule. My talk was about forty minutes, allowing about an hour for questions and experiential application (healing). The schedule was casual, and by the time I got up to speak, I had fifteen minutes before lunch--the only break set in stone, as it were.
The organizers quickly regrouped and decided I would start and then finish in the afternoon. I gave my introduction and it scared the pastors who supported the retreat so much that they asked the organizers to cancel the rest of my presentation.
The hosts came to me at the end of lunch and I was so stunned that I didn't even request an audience to hear the complaints. (That seems like a mistake on my part now. I can only guess at what scared them, and might have been resolved on the spot.) At the time, I did ok fighting off negativity and false interpretations in my head. I went to God and gratitude, so as not to interfere with His power. I was embarrassed, but I felt worse for all the people who didn't get the healing they could have used, maybe desperately needed.
I tried to process it immediately, as any potential for hurt tends to get nasty over time. It was amazing to me how much it brought up little pockets of pain. And how doubts can grow from lack of routine. Questions about me, about my mission, about God's leading. Things I thought were past doubting. We are definitely in a war. And if you are on the front lines, you can expect opposition. So once again, I'm learning not to listen to condemning voices, to take care of my body and my mind, to process hurts quickly, being open and honest, living in the confidence that I am loved and used by God.
I had been asked to speak at a Recovery Retreat, and had been given an hour and forty-five minutes in the schedule. My talk was about forty minutes, allowing about an hour for questions and experiential application (healing). The schedule was casual, and by the time I got up to speak, I had fifteen minutes before lunch--the only break set in stone, as it were.
The organizers quickly regrouped and decided I would start and then finish in the afternoon. I gave my introduction and it scared the pastors who supported the retreat so much that they asked the organizers to cancel the rest of my presentation.
The hosts came to me at the end of lunch and I was so stunned that I didn't even request an audience to hear the complaints. (That seems like a mistake on my part now. I can only guess at what scared them, and might have been resolved on the spot.) At the time, I did ok fighting off negativity and false interpretations in my head. I went to God and gratitude, so as not to interfere with His power. I was embarrassed, but I felt worse for all the people who didn't get the healing they could have used, maybe desperately needed.
I tried to process it immediately, as any potential for hurt tends to get nasty over time. It was amazing to me how much it brought up little pockets of pain. And how doubts can grow from lack of routine. Questions about me, about my mission, about God's leading. Things I thought were past doubting. We are definitely in a war. And if you are on the front lines, you can expect opposition. So once again, I'm learning not to listen to condemning voices, to take care of my body and my mind, to process hurts quickly, being open and honest, living in the confidence that I am loved and used by God.
No comments:
Post a Comment