Friday, November 11, 2011

11-11-11 Reset?

I don't know if 11 is significant, but what a row of ones! Looks like someone pushed a reset button.

Today feels like that too. I woke up angry over fear--shuddering over a close call--almost losing my littlest grandson who is turning one in two weeks. In one moment he swallowed a doorstop cover that had been glued on, but loosened with the weather change. Thank God my daughter has experience with choking, and when she couldn't get it to come out, reached in and pushed it down past his windpipe. He's ok and we are so grateful, though slightly rumpled and limp.

So it really surprised me when I woke up angry this morning. I sat with God per usual but even after His wonderful presence and comfort I was still amazed at the struggle with anger. Then words started coming up inside me, His voice,

"Let it come up. Put it out there between us as we sit together. I understand your fear--you came close to a great loss and it shakes your orientation to remember how dangerous life is--how fragile it can be. sometimes your fear makes you angry over how little control you have. And sometimes it makes you angry that I allow evil. I get it. I understand your fear over your daughter's blood work too. Trust Me. Someday it will make sense."

Thank You for telling me that you understand my anger over evil and my fear that You do allow us to walk through the valley of death. Let me celebrate your deliverance--that You didn't ask us to go there this time. Thank You that Dek is ok. And my daughter is also.

I feel like I need an injection of trust and I shouldn't. All six deaths in the family have been timely except one, and You carried me through that one. Yes, I'm "shoulding"; I should know You better by now. Forgive me.