Friday, April 29, 2011

Royal wedding--good show!

   I am so impressed with England today. For years I have heard that they had become a "Godless nation" but I didn't see that today. How beautiful and personal and Godful the royal wedding was. It was, in fact, so personal that I doubt it made anyone jealous. It was their wedding. The wedding of real people who looked so happy, so in love, so self-assured and calm that it was simply appealing. They used traditional vows but wrote their own prayer! And how sweet it was: thanking God for their families, their love, and their joy, they asked that God would make them generous and keep their eyes fixed on what is real in life. Simple, spiritual, beautiful, regal. Could it get any better?
   I saw (I think) a wonderful amount of solid self. Two people who had put in the time to really know each other. I loved the quote from Catherine of Siena that began the homily, "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." And the sweetest part for me was when I heard that one of the expert lip-readers said Kate got into the carriage after the ceremony and said, "I'm so happy, let's pray!" If that is the case, then she is certainly a woman who has solid self, and doesn't care what the world thinks of her. She is who she is and is comfortable with anyone knowing. I absolutely loved it! It was better than a good show--it was delightful, perfectly delightful.

Monday, April 25, 2011

My turn

   Perhaps what I said last time sounded like I was gloating. If I could have seen two weeks ahead would I have said anything? I got slammed. Hard. And not a bunch of little things like I wrote about last time. This one tipped off all rejection residue left in me--thank God that isn't much. But it was enough for the dark side to manipulate any unconscious moment. Their use of surprise, made it doubly effective.
   I had been asked to speak at a Recovery Retreat, and had been given an hour and forty-five minutes in the schedule. My talk was about forty minutes, allowing about an hour for questions and experiential application (healing). The schedule was casual, and by the time I got up to speak, I had fifteen minutes before lunch--the only break set in stone, as it were.
   The organizers quickly regrouped and decided I would start and then finish in the afternoon. I gave my introduction and it scared the pastors who supported the retreat so much that they asked the organizers to cancel the rest of my presentation.
   The hosts came to me at the end of lunch and I was so stunned that I didn't even request an audience to hear the complaints. (That seems like a mistake on my part now. I can only guess at what scared them, and might have been resolved on the spot.) At the time, I did ok fighting off negativity and false interpretations in my head. I went to God and gratitude, so as not to interfere with His power. I was embarrassed, but I felt worse for all the people who didn't get the healing they could have used, maybe desperately needed.
   I tried to process it immediately, as any potential for hurt tends to get nasty over time. It was amazing to me how much it brought up little pockets of pain. And how doubts can grow from lack of routine. Questions about me, about my mission, about God's leading. Things I thought were past doubting. We are definitely in a war. And if you are on the front lines, you can expect opposition. So once again, I'm learning not to listen to condemning voices, to take care of my body and my mind, to process hurts quickly, being open and honest, living in the confidence that I am loved and used by God.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

An Exercise in Trusting.

  It's interesting that ever since I started a book study on The Worst Evil--Losing Yourself people all around me have been getting slammed, especially my daughter and her family. Two days ago my son-in-law said , "Don't write any more books!"
  It is also very interesting that I have been doing well. I am so grateful. It isn't that I haven't had any upsets. I have them regularly. You would have fallen on the floor laughing yesterday if you had seen the mess in my kitchen. Thank God, I didn't even see the worst of it.
  I had been making waffles, and using two irons because why not, I have two and it would be faster. Then I went to get ready for work and left my husband in charge. About that time the electricity went off. He figured out that two waffle irons and the toaster oven (keeping them warm) blew the circuit, so he fixed that. Then he was putting more batter in the one that rotates and it turned over while he was putting it in. Poor thing. He kept coming and giving me updates.
  About that time I absent-mindedly dumped a whole container of charcoal mineral make-up on my white vanity. I laughed out loud. And that is the most amazing part. I don't always have that reaction, but my reactions haven't been anything like before.
  Is it because I'm more aware of dark side antics or because I'm more protected? God promised me protection before the book came out, and I am keeping that focus. It has helped amazingly. I know they have no real power over me. Last weekend my husband and I were having a wonderful weekend away and we got into a fight. Neither one of us knew how to pull out of it, and I just turned to God and said I don't know what to do, and before long we were laughing. Amazing. Try it. He works in you and with you.