Why Do I Need God? Watch Philomena!

"Why do I need God?" she asked me. "I know people who don't have God and are happy."

I have a love/hate relationship with this question. On one hand I love giving the answers, and clearing people's misconceptions and misinformation about God. On the other hand, it's a huge responsibility, and while I love it, I feel the weight of responsibility. It is that important.

So I said, "Well if you are thinking about reality--you need God because He is. You can ignore Him but since He IS, why would you want to? It's a lie that life is better or easier without Him.

"But if you are thinking Do I have to believe? no, you don't. He doesn't force anyone to believe in Him. He just loves you and wants a relationship with you. He knows how much better your life will be with Him than without Him."

"He and the church just complicate life," she said, but I knew she was very protective of her Catholic background.

"It can feel like that if you listen to people, even priests," I replied. "However, Jesus kept it very simple. He said knowing God, having a relationship with Him, is all that matters. In fact, He said it is the one important thing in life. Why do you think He would say that?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe because God wants a relationship with you? Maybe because we have been given so much misinformation? Maybe because even the church has got it wrong? I believe you can't really know or be yourself without knowing Him."

She is like a lot of people I've met: afraid to believe that God really loves them and wants to communicate with them, afraid to trust their own ability to hear and believe. They see God as someone out to get them.

I understand that. I really do. But after seeing Philomena last week, I think it is imperative that each of us seek and find our own path to God. People who get it handed down from the church--and think that to believe in the God they are taught about is sufficient--can really lose themselves in either, guilt, anger, or resentment. Thank God, Philomena didn't give up believing in His love, even while she suffered under inappropriate guilt. I highly recommend the movie. It is very well done, and a true story.

In my opinion, the story shows that God will come through, if you seek Him. All the little things that had to come together, details that almost didn't happen for her to find out she was loved, proved to me that God was there for her showing His love for her, His forgiveness.

It also shows how wrong the picture of God the church gives you can be. If that's wrong, how can you have a true picture of yourself?

Holidays Juxtapose Differences

Christmas magnifies differences. Different regions and cultures, and even extended family have different traditions, different ways of celebrating, different foods that are special to them-- all within the same religion!

Today we watched Rick Steve’s “Christmas in Europe”—featuring beautiful and lovely differences—all celebrating the same event. The spirit of the subject kindles acceptance, but food widens the chasm.

I was surprised one Thanksgiving with my husband’s extended family. I always think there will be plenty of sides for a vegetarian. But even the vegetables had meat added. I found two of many dishes on the table to eat. (I didn’t suffer any; I’d had plenty of guacamole and chips before dinner.)

Yesterday we had dinner with my daughter’s new extended family and in all their special food I found two things to eat. I wasn’t upset, I was honored with “no need” to contribute, but it was so interesting to me that one family’s “special” is another family’s exceptions. I had missed my daughter’s text about making a salad. This morning I saw it, and felt bad because she had to cope with yet another set of exceptions (gluten-free). I could fudge a little, she couldn’t unless she wanted to be sick for five days.

These differences in the way we are raised, and the way we see things, the way we celebrate, the way we think and the things we like, or even need, can make for strained relationships; or we can notice, honor, ask questions, learn and respect.

Have you noticed that isn’t always the way it goes down?

In fact, very often, it becomes a source of irritation or ridicule, sometimes hurtful even with family; other times it’s more good-natured jesting, even adding to the fun—as when I had seven sibling supervisors as I was learning to make tortillas the morning of the aforementioned Thanksgiving.

What makes differences so threatening? Or is it just that we like what we learn to like? What we’ve had from childhood?

Openness seems to be threatening. We don’t really like change. We like what we know, it makes us feel secure. We usually have to have a reason to learn new ways, try new pathways. Sometimes we go looking, but more often we get into ruts.

But think about it. The same old ways lull us into mindlessness—one of the biggest problems we have today.

Auto pilot can take all the joy out of your life. The same old routines can suck the life right out of you. Creating deadness, or creeping numbness.

So, do some things that make you stretch, that move you out of your comfort zone and keep you awake. Purposely try new things for good reasons and make thoughtful choices.

Maybe all you need is one New Year’s Resolution this year: live with purpose: learn from others, ask why and listen, try good new things that make sense, that increase life and energy—things that make you more you. In the end you are only responsible for you (and the things your children pick up from you). You are all you have.

The Change Gratitude Makes

Changing your perspective may be easier than you think.

It actually only takes saying thank you to another person, yourself, or God.

Here's how it works: When you decide to be thankful, instead of worried, it stops the drip of CRH (I call it Critical Ruminating Hormone because it makes you worry.) That stops the adrenals from secreting ACTH which is your depression hormone. (I call this one Actually Creating Threat Hormone because it makes everything look black. It makes everything seem bad or threatening.)

The easiest way to stop this physical-emotional trend is gratitude. Scripture calls giving thanks when it is hard, the "sacrifice of praise" or giving thanks when you feel the opposite.

Are you thinking that's dishonest? or phony? Not if you are doing it with the desire to change. If you know you don't like how you are feeling and thinking, just choose to give God thanks no matter how you feel, and watch to see what happens. God loves to act for us, loves to move into miracle mode because of our faith. It is our faith in His goodness that gives Him the right to act on our behalf and blow away the schemes of His enemies (yours too by the way).

And faith doesn't have to be a foundation you've laid, it can be a risk you are taking. It can be a divine experiment if you aren't sure God is there or that He cares. Go ahead and ask him to show you how much He cares about you.

And when you see it, believe it, don't pass it off as coincidence. It's your answer for reaching out to Him.

Becoming Real can Be Messy

I hate messy!

So why am I a therapist?

That's different. I'm good at professionally helping people find themselves and fix their issues.

But I don't like it when my kids are messy, or my friends are messy. They don't come to me asking for help. They don't show me their vulnerability. They want me to think they have it all together. Shoot, they don't even know they have issues! Don't even know they live in hell.

And yet I'm called to love them.

How?

Do I have to just trust them? Like what I can like and love the rest?

Really?

I can't even tell them what I see?

No? Not unless they ask?

God this is too hard!

This is what You do? Really?

I can't do this. I don't want to.

"That is exactly why you have to let me do it for you...and I can...if you let me."

But I don't want to.

"But you can choose, and I will do the rest."

I can't be God in their lives?

"No, you can't, because you can't. You just can't. It makes you uptight and stressed. And it sounds judgmental coming from you--unless you don't know you are speaking for Me."

I don't get that. I don't know how to love like that.

"You just need to help them see Me by making them feel valued. Choose value. I'll do the rest."

Guest Post -- "Inviting" -- I call it Becoming Truly You

(You remember I said her intimacy with God makes me jealous? Now you'll see why...)

 Inviting

• You Whisper it quiet. These words that feel liquid with the weight of Your love.

"you are my home"

I wonder if maybe I misunderstood. I ask what it means. And You dismantle me with Your words.

"I feel wanted, welcome, comfortable. I feel loved, desired in you. You invite Me into your moments, your feelings. You choose Me."

And then in a Whisper that seems to crash through the Heavens. That ravages the heart You've made whole. You say it.

"you're inviting"

It's as if You've just flung the stars from the sky in some cosmic display just for me. Just for me.

It is all I want to be. The only words that could ever be spoken of me that matter.

And You said them.

The tears spill wild. The heart swept up by Love so big it rages through me in torrents of Grace.

I am Yours. And You have found me "inviting".

And suddenly the list of things I could do in my life is complete.

The one thing I have to give You. The one thing I can truly choose.

Is You.

We do this thing. This asking You into our lives. We make it a big deal.

It is a big deal.

But the biggest thing. The only thing. Is what we do afterward.

You can't ask someone to marry you and then tell them to please stay in their own house. Don't move anything in here. And please don't try to love me 'cause I'm busy just trying to stay numb. I don't really let anyone get close. I'm too much, too messy, and just completely not enough.

You can't ask someone into your home and then tell them not to sit on the furniture. Oh, and please don't touch anything. Or move anything. Or, really, don't even breathe. 'Cause I've got this all set up here the way I need it. The way it makes me feel secure. I might even hate the way it's decorated but please don't change anything 'cause I've got it all set up to work for me this way. I don't want to take down any walls or let more light in. And don't open the shades, someone might see how I really live in here.

I did that. You know I did that with You. Sadly, I think we all do.

And You lived with me so long that way. Sometimes You'd move a chair. Or change a picture on the wall. But I just couldn't let You renovate completely. You wanted to remodel and I'd say, "ok, we'll paint but just don't take down that wall."

One day I got it. I really got it.

And the windows blew out and the air drafted in and the fire blazed. And I stood there hands open letting it all go.

We picked up the pieces. Crawled through the ashes. And You, You scraped the wounds. You touched my scars and deemed them Beautiful.

I'm laying here the rivers flowing down the familiar trails. They follow the grooves of years of broken dreams, a broken heart desperate to be Whole. Now, they flow from a fountain of Love so deep I can't contain them.

I get it. I really get it.

All I have to give You is my choice. Choosing You. 

Choosing You over everything.

Even my comfort. 

Everything.

Every. single. thing.

Reckless abandon to Your Love. Your will. Your heart.

Hands open, heart surrendered. Living as an audacious offering of Your Love.

Whatever that means in the story You are writing across my pages.

Because You are Love and You only give Good. 

And I am as desperate for You as I am to breathe.

When the moment arcs and I feel the arrows pierce and doubts come I cling only to You and hold on for dear life. And You never let go.

Because anywhere with You is everywhere.

Choice.

It is everything.

Mine is You.

After all, there is only You.

pause the music player at the bottom of the page

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Posted By Loxlia to lovelycrumbs at 6/22/2013 08:31:00 PM

Does God Call You Out? Part 2

I don't want to change this blog this month. The one posted is too good, too complete, so well said and so true. It sums up the essence of being you--finding your authentic s,elf.

It's my daughter's words to her little boys. I just read it again, and thought how does she do it? It just pours out of her like that.

Perhaps she is so full of it because of the pain she has just gone through--is still going through. She has chosen to embrace it and it has developed her. The heaviness, and dullness is mostly gone. There is new energy, new light in her eyes, new wisdom. The wisdom one only gains by going through your sadness, embracing the pain, hanging on tight to the belief that God is here and cares desperately for you.

Does God call you out of a marriage, a partnership, a relationship, a business? Certainly, out of a business, partnership, or a community that is hurting you, but a marriage?

I wasn't so sure in the beginning, even though I believed God released me from my first marriage. (I wouldn't have said I was called out of it.) But I trusted her and her relationship with God, and the more I have watched and listened, I am convinced that sometimes He does.

She married to complete her, to assuage her fear of not being enough, interpreted from a father who left. The wrong reason to marry. She needed something to do, something she could control--creating a perfect life and home with someone who was willing seemed like a noble project.

Except as the years went by, he became angrier and angrier. She couldn't figure out why. Even he couldn't figure it out. But one day when I was visiting, she asked me what I saw. And as I thought about it, the behavior seemed to fit an attempt to separate a self from a parent. Only the parent was her!

Now it makes so much sense. Their life wasn't his idea, his dream, or his passion. Most of the time he wasn't even there--escaping into video games etc. or work.

In the beginning, he was happy enough to go along for the ride. He knew she was smart and good. And capable at most everything she tried. But year after year, he felt less himself, more disenfranchised.

The more he worked to find himself, the angrier he became that he had to fit her mold--couldn't be him--whatever that was. He'd never been allowed, or maybe wasn't interested enough, to fight for himself. As he gained more self, he felt more trapped, less accepted, and couldn't put words to it.

Then a new stressor entered. Their youngest son almost choked to death, and two weeks later had a seizure that was diagnosed as Breath Holding Spell. (I believe it was the body's reaction to the trauma of choking.) The stress and tension multiplied exponentially, magnifying every flaw in both of them.

She saw it then. She had become his mother. She had felt it and fought it, but not really accepted it.

She pleaded with him to grow, to fight for them and himself, but it only made him feel less accepted.
Meanwhile she faced a lie she found in her, that she wasn't worth fighting for. Upon her request God healed it, and from there things rapidly changed.

Finally one night she said she couldn't live with him being there but not there, and would he fight to find himself? and the answer was no. He would find another place to live.

She was crushed and cried all night, and in the morning decided to accept it. She couldn't change him and he didn't want to. She wouldn't hold him any longer.

It, of course, didn't end that simply or easily. Over another month their was back and forth, he was going to change, but hit the wall again that he was doing it for her, and she just watched, open to it, but not believing it would last. It didn't, and finally they separated.

Thank God they are doing well sharing the kids, who seem to be doing better themselves. There parents have gotten through the "angerism" of divorce (Called that because it is so crazy and dramatic.) with seemingly little fall-out to the children. They were my main concern.

On a good day, she has no regrets for any of it. The mistakes, the lessons learned, the suffering. It's all part of the whole picture that has brought her into discovering her true self and a sweet and powerful intimacy with God, she probably couldn't have gained without it.

Predictably, her path is very similar to my own, but she has surpassed me in the tender relationship she has found with God. I have been happy with my own, but hers sometimes makes me jealous! I want to trust Him like that! It is sweet to behold, especially for a parent.

So yes, I guess sometimes God does call you out, when it's healthier for everyone. As I responded to a friend of mine who quoted scripture to me when I was getting divorced, "Yes, God hates divorce, but there are a lot of things he hates worse." And losing you or Him is much worse.

A Challenging Description of (prescription for) being your True Self

 Guest post--My daughter's message to her three boys. For part one go to http://arlasoveralls.wordpress.com

Wed, May 29, 2013 

[lovelycrumbs] three things -- part 2 

You. You grew deep within me. A seed of Grace planted right into my Life.

The very existence of you is simply ridiculous Grace.

He creates only Good. You are Good.

You were born into a battle. We all are. This story is not about us. It's about Him.

And there is an enemy that will stop at nothing to keep you swirling in lies. To kill your heart. To paralyze you. To steal your Life.

He will tell you you're not enough. He will tell you you're not Lovable. That you have to just get by and make it happen. That you're on your own. That you're weak. That you just have to numb your heart and settle for less. The enemy is a liar.

The arrows will fly straight into the weak places of your heart. Piercing with a vengeance.

But they are not your Truth. Only He is.

You are Loved. Wildly. Recklessly. Relentlessly.

Never. forget. it.

You were created as an expression of Who He is. Love.

You are Love.

Men.

You will be men. Warriors after His Heart.

Never. forget. it.

You were made to fight. To offer your strength. To open wide and stand for Him.

Your Life is a calling to War. To Adventure. To Joy. To Love. 

Live it. Really Live it.

He is your Strength.

There is no battle you cannot fight in His name. No place He leads you cannot go.
This life will batter your heart. Everything and everyone trying to steal your strength.

But they can never take what He holds.

Listen to the heart beating in your chest. Protect it. Fight for it.

Your heart will always long for more. He made it that way. Seek Him and you will find you.

You're His.

Remember who you are. Be you.

Be His.

You can fill your ache with temporary happiness. This world will offer you that at every turn. You can live a life between the guard-rails. You can tell yourself it's enough. You can silence the Desire for more. And your life will slip away. You may wake up one day and realize you haven't really lived. You might not even notice. 

You have that choice. He gave you that. Love is not love without choice.

Love. Live. Choose Him.

Take the risk.

I promise you will never regret it.

You are His. He will always pursue you will a Relentless Love.

The breeze will touch your face with His Hand. The sun will warm your Heart. The stars will Whisper His Love. Notice it. Feel it.

He will Whisper Life to your heart.

Listen. Live the Adventure.

You are His. You are more.

Find your strength in Him. There is no other source other than His heart.

Men are drowning in this world. Being suffocated under the weight of their weakness. Their wounds stealing away the Life He gives. Never finding their Adventure. Or letting their fears be bigger than their faith. Dying without ever living. Losing their Life in the swirl of lies. In passivity. 

I pray you'll fight. That you'll be men after His Heart.

Men unmovable in His Love. Real men. 

Men desperate for more of Him.

Each one of you has a story to Live. A promise to bring to the world. You are a Whisper of Who He is. 

There is only one you.

Be the man you are. His man.

No matter what it takes. The battle is worth it. Fight with everything you have. And then let Him give you more.

He gives only Good Gifts. Only Grace.

Let your heart Breathe.

Live your story.

Be you. 

His.







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Posted By Loxlia to lovelycrumbs at 5/29/2013 10:35:00 AM