On Hard Drives and Heart Drives

(This was written and scheduled the end of February to publish March 7--it still shows that on the side--but the schedule function didn't work, so that's why it sounds Lentish and Eastery.)

My computer hard drive crashed on Monday. So badly that it can't be rebooted. I have to buy a new one. I had already decided that I would give up negativity for my version of Lent, which seemed impossible, given my personality, so I was practicing when it crashed.

I was already sad and trying to being ok with it, because my sister left on Sunday. We'd had a wonderful 24 hours and I was grateful, but missing her. So I was allowing the feelings, determined not be get negative--even over the computer--and kept telling myself, God has a plan, it's going to be ok.

This happened last year at this time too, and the year before (that's when I got my laptop!) It's a very powerful time at my blog God-in-a-Box,* and the dark side doesn't like it, so I wasn't surprised, just inconvenienced. Thank God our desk top is refurbished and working well.

I woke up the next morning from a dream where I was explaining to someone that having your hard drive crash is how it was for God when his universe got a virus--sin--self-exaltation--my way--my kingdom. He created it to run on freedom and it crashed. He worked and worked to reboot and get it running right again, but finally it was completely corrupted and He just had to accept it and let it go or replace the hardware.**

I was so impressed that the dream was so clear and made so much sense, and I felt so much better about my situation. As though good was going to come from it, not just be ok. And already it has.

I liked the analogy and decided to share it. Of course every parable only goes so far:

The difference is He couldn't just go out and buy a new hard drive and install it. The crash had come in a volitional being and that being had to choose whether to have a new part or keep going with what he had until he quit working. (God even had to do a miracle to keep him from expiring until everyone understands why and how he expires. That is a story in itself!)**

The similarity is that I did have to send my laptop back to its maker to get a new hard drive.

But the main difference is new heart drives have to be chosen. They can't just be paid for and installed. And the exchange wasn't money but life and death.

Once installed, heart drives have to be maintained because it is so easy to pick up a virus. That's how I crashed my computer downloading a program that evidently had a horrible virus. It was so bad we couldn't even go back to restore.

And that is "Earth's story" in a nutshell--rather, in a byte.


*God-in-a-Box--Your Inbox takes you on a Cosmic tour of Jesus' life in a year from Easter to Easter  http://Godhelps.net/God-in-a-Box
**the story of the beginning of evil is in my e-book Love's Playbook, http://www.amazon.com/dp/BOOIESSOQNW

Do You Know God's Voice?

A request to God and one of my goals for the past three or more years is to be more tuned in to God's voice...more able to hear him and be confident that it is Him.

This scares some people, and I get that. My personality is fear-based and I have worked hard to heal it--asking God to show me what anchors it, in all its myriad forms. I am much less fearful today, but it is true that not every thought we have comes from God. So awareness is good. 

However, I really believe God wants us to hear him, to actively listen for His voice, to have conversations with Him.

Today I saw this from New Hope Church's newsletter...

I Samuel 3:8 says, “Then Eli realized it was the Lord who was calling the boy.” God was speaking to Samuel but he thought it was the voice of Eli. He confused the voice of God and the voice of man. Maybe God is speaking to you, but you are attributing it to the wrong source.

I wonder how many times God has spoken but we have not recognized His voice? How many times have we dismissed a providence as a coincidence? How many times have God’s words gone in one ear and out the other?

What hinders me from hearing is my attention to other things. It is not that I don’t want to hear God, but I am not devoted in the right areas of my life. I am devoted to things and even to service and my own convictions. God may say whatever He wants, but if I am only listening to my desires, I don't hear Him. If I don’t take time to get quiet before the Lord and listen to Him, I can only hear God’s voice at certain times. At other times I become deaf to Him because my attention is to other things— things I think I must do.

The Holy Spirit speaks in lots of different dialects. He knows every language including your unique language. He knows what to say and how to say it - and He is always speaking. The only question is this: do you recognize His voice? If you aren’t looking you won’t see it. If you aren’t listening you won’t hear it. But if you open your eyes and open your ears you will see and hear God everywhere!

I believe God wants to actively communicate with His children. And we are ALL His children whether we are seeking a relationship with Him or not. He is still seeking us.

That reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from "The Count of Monte Cristo": the priest is dying and gives his friend a map.

"God will guide you," says the priest. 

"But priest, I don't believe in God."

"Doesn't matter. He believes in you."

That scene has always thrilled me from the first time I saw it. I'm not sure why, but I just never get tired of it. Maybe it's because I really believe God desires us and loves us. I also believe that the quickest way to find your true self is to find Him and began a relationship with Him.

April Fools on Me From Blogger

I try to write here once a month. And today I came here to post, and noticed that February's post was still up! But didn't I post last month? I was sure I did...and then I remembered. I'd written about my hard drive crashing and scheduled it to post later that day. Guess it never did.

Oh well, April fools! Post it next month--tomorrow's is already written, and it's about God speaking to us.

Why Do I Need God? Watch Philomena!

"Why do I need God?" she asked me. "I know people who don't have God and are happy."

I have a love/hate relationship with this question. On one hand I love giving the answers, and clearing people's misconceptions and misinformation about God. On the other hand, it's a huge responsibility, and while I love it, I feel the weight of responsibility. It is that important.

So I said, "Well if you are thinking about reality--you need God because He is. You can ignore Him but since He IS, why would you want to? It's a lie that life is better or easier without Him.

"But if you are thinking Do I have to believe? no, you don't. He doesn't force anyone to believe in Him. He just loves you and wants a relationship with you. He knows how much better your life will be with Him than without Him."

"He and the church just complicate life," she said, but I knew she was very protective of her Catholic background.

"It can feel like that if you listen to people, even priests," I replied. "However, Jesus kept it very simple. He said knowing God, having a relationship with Him, is all that matters. In fact, He said it is the one important thing in life. Why do you think He would say that?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe because God wants a relationship with you? Maybe because we have been given so much misinformation? Maybe because even the church has got it wrong? I believe you can't really know or be yourself without knowing Him."

She is like a lot of people I've met: afraid to believe that God really loves them and wants to communicate with them, afraid to trust their own ability to hear and believe. They see God as someone out to get them.

I understand that. I really do. But after seeing Philomena last week, I think it is imperative that each of us seek and find our own path to God. People who get it handed down from the church--and think that to believe in the God they are taught about is sufficient--can really lose themselves in either, guilt, anger, or resentment. Thank God, Philomena didn't give up believing in His love, even while she suffered under inappropriate guilt. I highly recommend the movie. It is very well done, and a true story.

In my opinion, the story shows that God will come through, if you seek Him. All the little things that had to come together, details that almost didn't happen for her to find out she was loved, proved to me that God was there for her showing His love for her, His forgiveness.

It also shows how wrong the picture of God the church gives you can be. If that's wrong, how can you have a true picture of yourself?

Holidays Juxtapose Differences

Christmas magnifies differences. Different regions and cultures, and even extended family have different traditions, different ways of celebrating, different foods that are special to them-- all within the same religion!

Today we watched Rick Steve’s “Christmas in Europe”—featuring beautiful and lovely differences—all celebrating the same event. The spirit of the subject kindles acceptance, but food widens the chasm.

I was surprised one Thanksgiving with my husband’s extended family. I always think there will be plenty of sides for a vegetarian. But even the vegetables had meat added. I found two of many dishes on the table to eat. (I didn’t suffer any; I’d had plenty of guacamole and chips before dinner.)

Yesterday we had dinner with my daughter’s new extended family and in all their special food I found two things to eat. I wasn’t upset, I was honored with “no need” to contribute, but it was so interesting to me that one family’s “special” is another family’s exceptions. I had missed my daughter’s text about making a salad. This morning I saw it, and felt bad because she had to cope with yet another set of exceptions (gluten-free). I could fudge a little, she couldn’t unless she wanted to be sick for five days.

These differences in the way we are raised, and the way we see things, the way we celebrate, the way we think and the things we like, or even need, can make for strained relationships; or we can notice, honor, ask questions, learn and respect.

Have you noticed that isn’t always the way it goes down?

In fact, very often, it becomes a source of irritation or ridicule, sometimes hurtful even with family; other times it’s more good-natured jesting, even adding to the fun—as when I had seven sibling supervisors as I was learning to make tortillas the morning of the aforementioned Thanksgiving.

What makes differences so threatening? Or is it just that we like what we learn to like? What we’ve had from childhood?

Openness seems to be threatening. We don’t really like change. We like what we know, it makes us feel secure. We usually have to have a reason to learn new ways, try new pathways. Sometimes we go looking, but more often we get into ruts.

But think about it. The same old ways lull us into mindlessness—one of the biggest problems we have today.

Auto pilot can take all the joy out of your life. The same old routines can suck the life right out of you. Creating deadness, or creeping numbness.

So, do some things that make you stretch, that move you out of your comfort zone and keep you awake. Purposely try new things for good reasons and make thoughtful choices.

Maybe all you need is one New Year’s Resolution this year: live with purpose: learn from others, ask why and listen, try good new things that make sense, that increase life and energy—things that make you more you. In the end you are only responsible for you (and the things your children pick up from you). You are all you have.

The Change Gratitude Makes

Changing your perspective may be easier than you think.

It actually only takes saying thank you to another person, yourself, or God.

Here's how it works: When you decide to be thankful, instead of worried, it stops the drip of CRH (I call it Critical Ruminating Hormone because it makes you worry.) That stops the adrenals from secreting ACTH which is your depression hormone. (I call this one Actually Creating Threat Hormone because it makes everything look black. It makes everything seem bad or threatening.)

The easiest way to stop this physical-emotional trend is gratitude. Scripture calls giving thanks when it is hard, the "sacrifice of praise" or giving thanks when you feel the opposite.

Are you thinking that's dishonest? or phony? Not if you are doing it with the desire to change. If you know you don't like how you are feeling and thinking, just choose to give God thanks no matter how you feel, and watch to see what happens. God loves to act for us, loves to move into miracle mode because of our faith. It is our faith in His goodness that gives Him the right to act on our behalf and blow away the schemes of His enemies (yours too by the way).

And faith doesn't have to be a foundation you've laid, it can be a risk you are taking. It can be a divine experiment if you aren't sure God is there or that He cares. Go ahead and ask him to show you how much He cares about you.

And when you see it, believe it, don't pass it off as coincidence. It's your answer for reaching out to Him.

Becoming Real can Be Messy

I hate messy!

So why am I a therapist?

That's different. I'm good at professionally helping people find themselves and fix their issues.

But I don't like it when my kids are messy, or my friends are messy. They don't come to me asking for help. They don't show me their vulnerability. They want me to think they have it all together. Shoot, they don't even know they have issues! Don't even know they live in hell.

And yet I'm called to love them.

How?

Do I have to just trust them? Like what I can like and love the rest?

Really?

I can't even tell them what I see?

No? Not unless they ask?

God this is too hard!

This is what You do? Really?

I can't do this. I don't want to.

"That is exactly why you have to let me do it for you...and I can...if you let me."

But I don't want to.

"But you can choose, and I will do the rest."

I can't be God in their lives?

"No, you can't, because you can't. You just can't. It makes you uptight and stressed. And it sounds judgmental coming from you--unless you don't know you are speaking for Me."

I don't get that. I don't know how to love like that.

"You just need to help them see Me by making them feel valued. Choose value. I'll do the rest."