I am really excited about this one -- maybe even more than the free download of Covert Ops and the audio of The Worst Evil--Losing Yourself! I'm teaming up with Kim and Steve in Australia. I wrote the blog on narcissism (January 25) after I found them. And they have invited me to write a blog for them and put my ebook on their website! Imagine, my book on the other side of the world -- and everywhere in between? How exciting! A huge thanks to you Kim and Steve.
I am so impressed with you. I always believed that there had to be a way to help personality disorders such as Narcissism, Borderline, etc. And I believed that I had helped some of them--when I could get them to stay in therapy. The trouble is that mostly they don't come, because the problem is never theirs! They are masters at blaming others.
But what I "knew" about Narcissists is that they don't get better. The wounding was too early and too deep. Life and people are unsafe, and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is all about protection. And you usually don't find this out until you are either committed to one, or married, or he/she has convinced you that you are the crazy one.
Well, I found out after I was married to one. But I had already had a few years of seeing clients as a marriage and family therapy intern. After ten very tough years, he had a stroke which completely changed our relationship, and even after he began to heal, he made better choices, and today we have a really good marriage. But I had always just said we had Divine intervention. (Not implying in the least that God gave him the stroke, but that He allowed him to eat tons of bacon on our vacation which led to it.)
Meanwhile, I had learned enough about NPD that I was sure that, if the partner was healthy enough and emotionally stable enough, over time you could make a difference. I also believed (unconventionally) that clients with personality disorders should be told in therapy about their disorder. I have found that it gives them hope, a reason for their struggle, and sometimes helps them stay in therapy.
Then I stumbled onto Kim and Steve's website with the audacious domain name narcissismcured.com -- "Narcissism cured?" I was amazed but skeptical, and after reading all the material on their website, I got excited! Someone believed like I did! I started sharing it with everyone. (I have a lot of clients who deal with narcissism in either a spouse, a parent, a boyfriend, or in-law.) Finally there was someone who was bold enough to go against conventional wisdom for a needed answer of hope. I am so impressed with both their vulnerability and their courage. I still want to hear Steve's story of how he came to the realization and acceptance of narcissism. Or have you written it, and I haven't read it yet?
Unfortunately, I didn't talk much about narcissism in my book that just came out. I do talk about Borderline personality disorder, but wasn't ready to blow my husband's cover, so evidently just avoided it. (I actually don't know if he yet accepts the label as belonging to him, though he heard it often enough.) And the client who did accept it and probably would have been ok with me putting his story in, came after the book was written. Nevertheless, the book is all about the things that keep you from becoming your true self. In this time of disasters everywhere, people are losing everything, but the very worst thing you can lose is yourself.
I'm not talking about death. That isn't scary to me, but losing your awareness, your choices, your freedom, that is scary--very. And it can happen so easily, so mindlessly, through programming, through habits, through addictions to name a few. Unless we question what we think, what we believe, and why we act the way we do, we could easily just float along on evil's rubber raft of mindlessness.
So buy my book here and learn to avoid the potholes of losing you, or learn how to recover your true self. Oh, the name of it is The Worst Evil--Losing Yourself.
I am so impressed with you. I always believed that there had to be a way to help personality disorders such as Narcissism, Borderline, etc. And I believed that I had helped some of them--when I could get them to stay in therapy. The trouble is that mostly they don't come, because the problem is never theirs! They are masters at blaming others.
But what I "knew" about Narcissists is that they don't get better. The wounding was too early and too deep. Life and people are unsafe, and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is all about protection. And you usually don't find this out until you are either committed to one, or married, or he/she has convinced you that you are the crazy one.
Well, I found out after I was married to one. But I had already had a few years of seeing clients as a marriage and family therapy intern. After ten very tough years, he had a stroke which completely changed our relationship, and even after he began to heal, he made better choices, and today we have a really good marriage. But I had always just said we had Divine intervention. (Not implying in the least that God gave him the stroke, but that He allowed him to eat tons of bacon on our vacation which led to it.)
Meanwhile, I had learned enough about NPD that I was sure that, if the partner was healthy enough and emotionally stable enough, over time you could make a difference. I also believed (unconventionally) that clients with personality disorders should be told in therapy about their disorder. I have found that it gives them hope, a reason for their struggle, and sometimes helps them stay in therapy.
Then I stumbled onto Kim and Steve's website with the audacious domain name narcissismcured.com -- "Narcissism cured?" I was amazed but skeptical, and after reading all the material on their website, I got excited! Someone believed like I did! I started sharing it with everyone. (I have a lot of clients who deal with narcissism in either a spouse, a parent, a boyfriend, or in-law.) Finally there was someone who was bold enough to go against conventional wisdom for a needed answer of hope. I am so impressed with both their vulnerability and their courage. I still want to hear Steve's story of how he came to the realization and acceptance of narcissism. Or have you written it, and I haven't read it yet?
Unfortunately, I didn't talk much about narcissism in my book that just came out. I do talk about Borderline personality disorder, but wasn't ready to blow my husband's cover, so evidently just avoided it. (I actually don't know if he yet accepts the label as belonging to him, though he heard it often enough.) And the client who did accept it and probably would have been ok with me putting his story in, came after the book was written. Nevertheless, the book is all about the things that keep you from becoming your true self. In this time of disasters everywhere, people are losing everything, but the very worst thing you can lose is yourself.
I'm not talking about death. That isn't scary to me, but losing your awareness, your choices, your freedom, that is scary--very. And it can happen so easily, so mindlessly, through programming, through habits, through addictions to name a few. Unless we question what we think, what we believe, and why we act the way we do, we could easily just float along on evil's rubber raft of mindlessness.
So buy my book here and learn to avoid the potholes of losing you, or learn how to recover your true self. Oh, the name of it is The Worst Evil--Losing Yourself.
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