It's Not JUST Exercise, Steve Pavlina!

I'm sure Steve would agree, but yesterday I read a great post of his on the importance of exercise for staying healthy physically, mentally, and socially. I agree, and if you want to read his whole post, it's very good, http://stevepavlina.com. However, I had an experience this weekend that is worthy of sharing, and shows that some other things are just as important as exercise.

Those of you who know me will be shocked, I am certain, but this will serve to reassure you that I am human and given to lapses on occasion. For those who don't know me, I rarely feel bad, even at 62 (on Sunday!) and usually have lots of energy and motivation. But I can seem rigid about food, exercise, rest, etc. Life is good. But yesterday...not so much.

It started on Sunday. My husband and I were driving back from Las Vegas, and life was good. We had just spent 22 hours with one set of grand kids because it was Paige's birthday. We had decided to drive over on a whim Saturday morning, seeing that we had no commitments for the weekend (a rarity).

Mind you, we hadn't fully recovered from two weeks back East with five other grandchildren--we had only been home four days. Nevertheless, we felt up to the challenge of a quick overnight trip.

I had just signed up with Danielle Zanzarov for a fruit and vegie challenge (eating more than five a day) and did great the first day. (I had eight on Saturday) so Sunday, even though I had only had one vegetable, and some lime water, I was still feeling good--the mind was clear, the body comfortable, motivation great. In fact, I kept telling my husband I would drive. (He likes to drive--I think it's a macho thing--but he had driven all the way the day before!)

Finally, an hour from home, it's dark, and he decides to let me drive. We stop at a gas station, we're both slightly hungry but nothing that couldn't wait, but we see Red-Velvet muffins. And we decided to try them. (My daughter gasped when I told her.)

I didn't know what they were. I was hoping maybe very rich raspberry? They looked homemade and beautiful. I didn't know they were rich chocolate with a bottle or two of red food coloring. (A true heresy in the health-food world.)

I confess I wasn't too worried when I realized what it was; you see, I learned a trick working in a drug rehab for 15 years. Activated charcoal, and I took it as soon as I got home, but I didn't take enough.

By mid-morning the next day, my attitude was in the toilet. I had no motivation, couldn't focus, didn't want to do anything I'd planned, was worried about lunch with my best friend, and I hadn't seen her for three weeks! I lamented my attitude to God and He said, "Just be a good listener." It was fine. What was wrong with me? By mid-afternoon my low-back on the left side was beginning to hurt. Strange. By that evening it was stiff.

I put on lemon oil and Thieves oil and went to bed. (They usually fix anything.) After horrible dreams, which seemed to last all night, I awoke very stiff. I had to do part of my exercise routine to even be able to sit and meditate. I ended up sitting on my exercise ball for the rest of my time with God. I downed lots of water (alkalized with Vanilla Creme Stevia--love it), took four garlic capsules and six Kyogreen, and before I exercised that morning (painful but productive), took my Ningxia Red. Loaded up on nutrients!

My morning clients canceled, and thank God the wind had stopped, so I went outside and did some light gardening in the sun for 30 minutes. By that time I felt almost normal again, and was able to sit down and write! By tomorrow, hopefully, I'll be back to normal.

So, Steve, while exercise is very important, so is what you put in your mouth--I can't exactly call it food, but the stuff that some call food--skip that, and go for the real stuff that grows. I heard someone call all this pretend food "brightly packaged toxins." That is exactly what I experienced. Real food has a positive effect on the mind/body/spirit! And that is all you are--help yourself feel good.

Breath Holding Spell Creates Trauma--Created BY Trauma?

I was writing my Christmas letter in my head today. What a roller-coaster year! Highest highs and lowest lows.
If you read the last post, you saw that my youngest grandson choked, and thank God for the knowledge and quick wits of my daughter, is ok.

But two weeks later he had what appeared to my daughter as a seizure and death. She was terrified and helpless. Nothing he was choking on this time. She called 911, they came and he had started breathing again. She followed the firemen with her older two in the car to Children's Hospital. That's when she called me. It seemed forever till she told me he was breathing again, but she had no idea what was wrong.

As soon as we hung up I went and told my husband and we talked to God together about the situation. We were both shaken, but ok as we waited--me hating the 3,000 miles between us. Finally she called again and said it was Breath Holding Spell and he was ok.

She explained, we were relieved, as was she, but then the reaction to the trauma started. As involuntary as was his losing control of his breath, was her losing control of the images in her brain.

She has written a fabulous blog describing it at http://lovelycrumbs.com showing how hard it was for her to go back through the incident in her mind with her feelings. She called me because she couldn't sleep, and we walked back through her memory with her crying, and me guiding her to move through the next second. She looked for Jesus and found Him in the memory.

The next two days she was so much better. Her husband was the one experiencing the trauma: anger at his fear. A common reaction for men. We found a false belief, we asked for healing, he was better.

The end of the second day, she called again, disoriented and going in circles. We began looking for the "lie" that had her stuck. The doctor had told her it would happen again, and she was sure she couldn't go through it again. That was one lie (false belief), the other was that he wouldn't come back. We asked God for the truth and received it, and she has been much better since.

I share this because I have learned so much about trauma in the past two weeks. I've even begun to wonder if this "Breath Holding Spell" isn't PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) in babies and toddlers. From listening to her, the episodes terrify the baby as much as they do her.

Thank God, she didn't just try to push through it and store it in her body somewhere, to have it surface through an emotional trigger, and spin her out of control without warning. Thank God also, that the baby hasn't had another episode (that went completely to fainting) until yesterday.

She was able to go through it, and though shaky, she has been able to be present and take care of him and the other two in peace.

Meanwhile she has put up a website, because when she looked, she couldn't find anything on it. I am so grateful to God, and proud of her, for turning her pain into a blessing for many. Now there will be a site for support, for other terrified mothers who go through this.

Next time: this incident and the big picture.

11-11-11 Reset?

I don't know if 11 is significant, but what a row of ones! Looks like someone pushed a reset button.

Today feels like that too. I woke up angry over fear--shuddering over a close call--almost losing my littlest grandson who is turning one in two weeks. In one moment he swallowed a doorstop cover that had been glued on, but loosened with the weather change. Thank God my daughter has experience with choking, and when she couldn't get it to come out, reached in and pushed it down past his windpipe. He's ok and we are so grateful, though slightly rumpled and limp.

So it really surprised me when I woke up angry this morning. I sat with God per usual but even after His wonderful presence and comfort I was still amazed at the struggle with anger. Then words started coming up inside me, His voice,

"Let it come up. Put it out there between us as we sit together. I understand your fear--you came close to a great loss and it shakes your orientation to remember how dangerous life is--how fragile it can be. sometimes your fear makes you angry over how little control you have. And sometimes it makes you angry that I allow evil. I get it. I understand your fear over your daughter's blood work too. Trust Me. Someday it will make sense."

Thank You for telling me that you understand my anger over evil and my fear that You do allow us to walk through the valley of death. Let me celebrate your deliverance--that You didn't ask us to go there this time. Thank You that Dek is ok. And my daughter is also.

I feel like I need an injection of trust and I shouldn't. All six deaths in the family have been timely except one, and You carried me through that one. Yes, I'm "shoulding"; I should know You better by now. Forgive me.

Good Choices and how they are Made

Every now and again someone comments on the ending of my voice message. It says, "Remember, good choices make a good life." And it is true.  
It seemed that all last week I was telling people about the faussett on top of their heads. Not literally, it is my metaphor for remembering that you can change your feeling state and your thoughts. The hypothalamus is in the center of your brain and responds to your circumstances and thoughts. If you dwell on a thought it responds with a feeling. It will drip positive or negative chemicals that your body has ready to drip into the pituitary (this is simplified) which then puts out corresponding chemicals causing you to react.
   Since we don't have trouble controlling good thoughts, I'll track the negative ones, the ones we are concerned with controlling. Say something scares you or discourages you, if you go with the fear or discouragement your hypothalamus starts releasing CRH which I call Critical Ruminating Hormone because it creates worry. It creates the spin of worry, ruminating on something bad.  It then drips into the pituitary that gives it the signal to start releasing ACTH which I call Actively Creating Threat Hormone. Now everything looks bad, hopeless, scary, whatever the emotion that is taking over creates.
   The good news is that you can turn off the CRH before it starts all this bad news by refusing to go with the worry signal. Turn off the faussett with gratitude. It may take more than one, try three, and if you can't think of anything to be grateful for start with the obvious. You can see. You can read. You can choose.
  Some of you may even struggle with choosing, but just know that if you start with gratitude that is a choice to turn off the CRH production--a very good choice. Your head will stay clearer and you will be happier. The positive chemicals will start and the next positive thought and feeling will come easier.

Doing Hard Things

   I'm on a learning curve again: our fear of pain is partly because we were made for bliss. No wonder I want a happy, serene life, doing pretty much what I want to do.  However, I'm seeing that we were also made to take a risk, lean into a challenge, do the hard thing, fight for what we believe in.
   We've been watching old movies on Netflix, and loving it.  One of these got to me on this topic of risking -- "Only the Strong."  Have you seen it?  I love teachers-in-inner-city-type plots anyway, and capahuetta (SP?) is a form of Martial Arts I had never heard of--it's beautiful to watch.  My son-in-law introduced me to the movie. It was one of his favorites as a kid.
   Though basically I am a fraidy-cat, I love watching people who do hard things and make a difference. People who won't back down. A morning later when I was talking to God,  He reminded me of that movie and showed me that doing the hard thing is what makes life exciting -- knowing of course that He will see us through -- that we can count on Him to do that if we are making a statement about the goodness of His character, or standing up to evil as a boundary.  I got it.  It was lifting, inspiring, exciting.  Why live in fear of sticking your neck out? Trying and failing? So I'm going to send that email and invite you to read my blogs! (I admit it; I also got some fear healed.)

Grieving -- A deeper opportunity to live.

   No, I didn't get the fan page created, and I guess it's a good thing because less than a week later my mother went into the hospital and two weeks after that she died. Thank God, I went back. It was a healing and bonding experience. And now, of course, my head is in a totally different place.  And that is OK too, because in another two weeks we leave for Portugal. We are going with a group who is building a health education facility.
   Right now I am just trying to re-establish equilibrium.  Surprising to me has been the fatigue.  How much it takes out of you to lose such a close connection.  It wasn't untimely, she turned 92 hours before she died.  And it wasn't unexpected, she had had a heart attack two and a half years earlier, and even though she recovered quickly and was very well, you live with the expectation that at any time you could get a call.  And so it came, Mom had a temperature of 102 and was admitted to the hospital. 
   Then the head starts, should I wait and go back for the funeral? She won't know I'm there anyway... The temptation not to deal with anything--this was expected, she was ready, good for her. Let's focus on celebrating for her.  But after some time with God and getting in touch with some stored guilt, my head cleared and I decided to go--hoping I would get there in time.
   I sat by her bed with my sisters for five days. I saw her smile, and her appreciation of a backrub I gave her.  On the fifth day--her birthday--the day begin with a beautiful sunrise and my tears, which continued off and on through the rest of the day.  At one point I was alone with her and sobbing again, and the realization that I had always known I was not a good daughter came floating up.
   No wonder all those "not-good-enough" lies that had gotten healed, hadn't brought total relief!  The biggest, oldest one was still in there.  What a relief to get that one healed. God was giving me a birthday present on her birthday!  It made the funeral easy.  The only thing that really surprised me was the fatigue.
   When your time comes to grieve, as it comes to all on this planet, don't take the "easier" way.  Go and deal--give yourself to the grief for moments or days, let the sobs come.  A lot of growth and release comes through grieving. You will be glad you did, later.

Blowing your own horn

   Today I am going to create a fan club.
   Even writing that feels weird. Wonder how I'll feel when I write fan club in the subject line of the emails I'm going to send out.
   I wasn't raised to blow my own horn, even though I truly felt like it at times. When you are one of six kids, and one of the middle two, you can feel lost easily.  Especially when the system you were raised in was geared for survival and not nurture.  They didn't know any better, that is the kind of system they grew up in as well.
   Is this something that only affects people over 40?  Did parents after my generation do a better job?  I wonder if my grandkids will have trouble promoting something they have done? I wonder if my kids would? How many generations does it take?
   It is amazing to me that after all the lies (false beliefs) I've had healed, after all the work I've done on myself, after feeling so much better and free-er, I still have a hard time asking people to endorse me or my work.  Like it is something wrong--something nice girls don't do--something you shouldn't do.
   I probably wouldn't have thought of it except a former client sent me an email saying "Put me in your fan club or on your list or whatever it is you have." Wow! I was so surprised and so pleased. Someone actually thinks I have something to say! 
   How can a person think like that after you've spent three years working on a book that you think is so important?  And you are publishing three others... Does anyone relate?  Do I really think everyone has to love my work or I'll be crushed?  So I can't ask anyone because what if they don't like it?  Seriously?  I'd better get some more lies healed.