Often the pain of becoming is like fire. As when a "sleeping" hand or foot begins to wake up. The blood supply has been cut off, and the rush that is life-giving hurts.
So it is when you begin to look at yourself and really face your situation. Face it and take responsibility for it. A mentor of mine used to say, "There is no pain like the pain of seeing yourself."
I have found that to be true, as has my daughter (whose posts appear every other month).
But this is good pain. The kind you get when you realize that you can change what you can take responsibility for. It's as if a light goes on, or a window opens and you can breathe.
If you keep telling yourself that "they" did this to you (and often times they did) you will be stuck in blame and anger at best, and self-pity at worst. Why is that "worst"? Because there is no power, no motion in self-pity.
If "they" are responsible, they have all the power. Which is probably why forgiveness releases the offender.
This is why self-discovery, while very painful, is wonderful. It takes you to a place of healing and power.
So even if you are married to a Narcissist, ask yourself, "How did I contribute? How did I end up in this situation? What caused me to wear such blinders, to miss the red flags of total self-preoccupation?"
This is not about blame. NPD's can be very charming. And they are experts--hiding since childhood, twisting things so as not to be incriminated, so they don't have to look at themselves, don't have to take responsibility. They were thoroughly scared out of trusting. (Although a new breed of Narcissist, lazy-through-overparenting, is coming up.)
If you take responsibility, it ensures you are not one of them.
And if you were abused, and truly were victimized, learn to take up your power. Realize that it wasn't your fault, abuse is about the abuser. Heal your tendency to see yourself as a victim and helpless. Everyone has choices, even tiny ones to start with, and choices are infused with divine power. Our freedom demands choices.
God won't let anyone take away your power of choice. You can only give it away or fail to use it. You can even use it against God--we are that free.
So it is when you begin to look at yourself and really face your situation. Face it and take responsibility for it. A mentor of mine used to say, "There is no pain like the pain of seeing yourself."
I have found that to be true, as has my daughter (whose posts appear every other month).
But this is good pain. The kind you get when you realize that you can change what you can take responsibility for. It's as if a light goes on, or a window opens and you can breathe.
If you keep telling yourself that "they" did this to you (and often times they did) you will be stuck in blame and anger at best, and self-pity at worst. Why is that "worst"? Because there is no power, no motion in self-pity.
If "they" are responsible, they have all the power. Which is probably why forgiveness releases the offender.
This is why self-discovery, while very painful, is wonderful. It takes you to a place of healing and power.
So even if you are married to a Narcissist, ask yourself, "How did I contribute? How did I end up in this situation? What caused me to wear such blinders, to miss the red flags of total self-preoccupation?"
This is not about blame. NPD's can be very charming. And they are experts--hiding since childhood, twisting things so as not to be incriminated, so they don't have to look at themselves, don't have to take responsibility. They were thoroughly scared out of trusting. (Although a new breed of Narcissist, lazy-through-overparenting, is coming up.)
If you take responsibility, it ensures you are not one of them.
And if you were abused, and truly were victimized, learn to take up your power. Realize that it wasn't your fault, abuse is about the abuser. Heal your tendency to see yourself as a victim and helpless. Everyone has choices, even tiny ones to start with, and choices are infused with divine power. Our freedom demands choices.
God won't let anyone take away your power of choice. You can only give it away or fail to use it. You can even use it against God--we are that free.
